Grief Is Unique

If someone asked me what was the most important thing to know about grief (or supporting a griever)- it would be to remember that grief is unique. What do I mean by that?

I mean that no two people grieve the same exact way. Even two people grieving the same person from the same family won't grieve in the exact type of way. Grief is shaped by so many invisible threads: the relationship, the circumstances of the loss, the person’s life experiences, their coping style, their personality, their support system, and even how safe or supported they feel expressing their emotions. Factors like age, developmental stage, and cultural and religious beliefs also shape the grieving process. We can't put grief in a box and expect it to look the same for everyone.

I also mean that grief doesn't follow a specific formula or timeline. Did you know the stages of grief were actually written for those who were dying—not for those left behind? Elisabeth Kübler-Ross originally introduced the five stages—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—to describe what people facing terminal illness often experience as they come to terms with their own mortality. Over time, these stages were widely applied to grief in general, including bereavement, but that actually wasn't their original intent. There's no checklist of emotions or "stages" of grief to complete, and there is no magical number of days until grief is "over" and the person who experienced loss will be "back to normal."

And finally, I mean that growing around grief looks different for everyone. I am a firm believer that grief never resolves or disappears—we simply learn how to hold space for our grief in different ways as our lives continue. Some may hold space for their grief privately, while others may turn to advocacy or creativity to give their grief a voice. There is no one-size-fits-all way to carry loss. What matters is not how someone grieves, but that they are given the freedom and support to do it in their own way.

Looking for meaningful ways to support grieving children?

30 Minute Groups: Grief offers expressive, activity-based group ideas, thoughtful discussion prompts, and practical tools you can use right away. Explore what’s inside and grab your copy—link available on my website!